Loving Him was Red
by Maeve Morgan
Summary: From work colleagues to friends to family to lovers, Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane go through a lot together. This is a collection of some snapshot moments in their evolving relationship and how their feelings for each other changed over time. Jisbon.
1. Instincts

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: Yep, I got obsessive about a new fandom and couple. I started writing this series of short chapters on the evolving relationship of Lisbon and Jane, with some snapshots of a few episodes that inspired me to explore this in writing. This is for 1x02 "Red Hair and Silver Tape," right after they leave the victim's funeral in Napa and head back to Sacramento.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Instincts_

Lisbon sat in the passenger seat of the car, her elbow propped against the window glass, her chin pressed against her palm as she stared unseeingly out at the rapidly passing scenery just outside. Normally the high speeds at which Jane would drive would make her uncomfortable, but at the moment she felt sort of numb so she wasn't really paying it much attention. To be honest, normally she wouldn't have let him even remotely close to the keys, but he'd picked her pocket for them and insisted on driving with an unusual serious air about him. After the day they'd had she'd felt too tired to argue the matter over, so she just sighed and got into the car without another word.

Unexpectedly Jane left her alone for most of the drive, seemingly content to be in charge of the vehicle and enjoying the silence between them, as the rest of the team were heading back to Sacramento with the van. After a while being lost in her wandering thoughts she realized her team's consultant would keep stealing concerned glances at her now and then.

"What?" She sighed at last, turning away from the window and facing him with a frown of irritation.

He raised his eyebrows at her, but for a moment that was all he did. He kept his bluish green eyes trained on her, which did not help at all in calming her nerves, as now in addition to being annoyed with him she was worried he'd throw them off the road at any moment. But as fast as he was used to driving, he was also ridiculously cool and in control of the car. It was almost as if he could drive without looking at the road.

"Well," he said at last, his eyes facing forward once more. "I was wondering how I should approach this. Candid honesty or cracking a joke, which do you prefer?"

"Jane, I'm really not in the mood," she sighed again, more quietly this time, her eyes going down to her hands folded on her lap now.

"Okay, no jokes then," he said, yet there was just the tiniest hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" She decided to play dumb for a while longer. What for, she had no idea, as she knew that wouldn't dissuade him. Maybe she just wanted to annoy him for the sake of it.

"Come now," he said jovially and a knowing smile actually formed on his lips then. "I know that wasn't your first time using your gun. You _are_ in charge of the homicide and serious crimes unit of the California Bureau of Investigation, so you didn't get here with no experience."

"Of course, not," she huffed softly in response.

"Then I take it this wasn't the first time you had to take someone's life in the line of duty," he continued, speaking in his usual calming, soothing tones, glancing attentively at her. "So why did this upset you so much?"

"Well, aren't _you_ the mind-reader?" Lisbon avoided his eyes and crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

"Not really, but you know that already. I _could_ take an educated guess. I'd rather hear it from you," he told her honestly.

Lisbon sighed once more and threw her hands up in the air in a frustrated gesture. "I hate the way you have me thrown sometimes."

"What?" He raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. This was not what he'd been expecting her to say.

"I'm a really good cop, you know," she turned to him then, all righteous indignation in her voice. "You're right, I didn't just drop here with this job out of nowhere. I worked my ass off to get where I am and I'm really good at what I do."

"I know," he told her with an emphatic nod. "I agree 100%."

"I know that, too," she conceded with a nod back at him. "But sometimes I really hate working with you. Apart from all the mess you'll cause in your way during investigations with complete disregard for how much harder you make my job, you also get me second guessing myself."

"Hmm? Is that so?" Jane said, raising his eyebrows at her once more.

"It's like I can't trust my instincts anymore. I was wrong about everything with this case, and if you hadn't managed to call me and if I hadn't turned back when I did, then you…" Lisbon let out a shuddering breath, shaking her head a little as her voice trailed off. Jane watched her attentively, his eyes widening a little in realization. Lisbon took a breath in and after a moment she continued. "Anyway, I shouldn't have left you alone to begin with. What was I thinking?"

"You were probably thinking I'm a responsible adult, capable of taking care of myself," Jane said easily.

"Which is obviously not true, and I should already know that by now," Lisbon countered, shaking her head to herself. A thoughtful look came across her face then. "Maybe we should see about arranging you with some training and a gun permit…"

"Me, with a gun?" He raised his eyebrows in obvious surprise. "Uh, no, thanks. I'm perfectly fine counting on you and the team for my protection."

"You take too many unnecessary risks," she insisted for a moment. "You could've died today, you know."

"But I didn't. You saved me," his eyes were focused on her then, his voice soft.

"You need to be more careful," she said with a serious frown between her eyebrows.

"Okay," he conceded, his face serious though there was a playful gleam in his green eyes. "How about this? I'll try to be more careful in the future, and you'll listen to me when I have a hunch about something."

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, as she thought it over. "Fine."

"Excellent," he gave her one of his dazzling smiles. "Now where do you want to go for dinner? Anywhere you'd like. My treat."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You saved my life. It's the least I can do," he said with deep sincerity and appreciation in his voice. "And Lisbon, you _have_ good instincts. You're a great cop and I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

"Thanks," she said, a small smile forming on her lips then. He smiled back at her and the two of them grew silent, the stretch of road rolling out in front of them as they just regarded each other for a moment. She averted her eyes first, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed, so she cleared her throat and decided to change the subject. "So this place you're taking me to dinner, I can choose anywhere?"

"Your choice. Go crazy, the sky's the limit," he said with one of his roguish grins and once more she lifted an eyebrow in answer to this. He saw that and chuckled. "Ah don't worry. I told you, I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. Besides, you would know if I were ever trying to seduce you. Believe me."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes good-naturedly at him, and she couldn't quite keep a smile off her lips either. "Just for that I'll get the priciest dish on the menu of that little bistro you love so much."

"Wonderful choice," he nodded in approval.

They still needed to go into HQ, write down reports and other such (tedious, in Jane's opinion) activities involved in closing the case, but now they had a nice dinner to look forward to this evening. It was as nice an end to such a convoluted day as they could expect.


	2. Casual

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 1x14 "Crimson Casanova," starting at the end of the episode right after Jane refuses a woman's invitation to join her and a friend at their table, saying he was married.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Casual_

Lisbon watched as the pretty brunette in the red dress went back to join her friend at their table and Jane turned back to face the bar, a pensive look on his face as he fiddled with his wedding ring. She siddled up quietly to him until she took the seat next to him.

"Hey," he greeted her with one of his charming smiles.

"Hey," she said, smiling back at him. "Rigsby and Van Pelt are finishing up with the equipment, so we should be ready to hit the road in a few minutes."

"Okay," he replied quietly, and his smile seemed just a little sad then.

"Everything okay?" Lisbon asked, tilting her head a little to the side as she watched him attentively.

"Yeah," he said, smiling at her in a reassuring manner, but she could see the smile didn't quite reach his eyes as it usually did.

"That was a nice thing you did," she commented, deciding to change the subject and not push him any further. When he looked inquisitively at her, she elaborated, "Paul and Kate."

"Oh you saw that?" Jane asked, chuckling quietly.

"I did," she said. "I was about to come chew you off for your impulsiveness yet again, but it looks like for once it was the right move." She glanced back over her shoulder, watching as the womanizer and the waitress were sitting down at a table to talk in a more secluded area.

"He was being an idiot," Jane commented, sighing quietly to himself. "Sometimes idiots like him need a bit of a push."

"Hmm," Lisbon murmured in assent, turning to face him once more. "What would you know about idiots like him?"

"Oh quite a lot," Jane said, and his smile now was a bit self-deprecating. "I used to be like him."

"You?" Lisbon raised a skeptical eyebrow at his words. "A serial, creepy womanizer like Fricke?"

"Well, I like to think I wasn't creepy like him, but yes, once upon a time I could've called myself something of a pick-up artist," Jane admitted with another chuckle.

"I really can't see it," Lisbon said with some wonderment in her voice as she looked at the CBI consultant as if she were analyzing him under a different light─which she was.

Jane raised a rather offended eyebrow at her words and said, "Really?"

"Well no, I mean," Lisbon stammered a little and blushed under his gaze.

She was going to regret this if she didn't measure her words carefully so she took a breath to steady herself. It's not like Patrick Jane wasn't charming and attractive, that much was indisputable. He could probably have his pick of a number of beautiful women if he so wanted to, as was evidenced by that woman who had come up to him without him even making any move towards her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she said, pushing through her embarrassment to try to explain herself.

"Oh? What _did_ you mean then?" He asked, a particularly malicious gleam in his bluish green eyes.

"It's just─I guess I always think of you as being married, you know?" She gestured at his wedding ring for emphasis. "I can't imagine you picking up women like that for casual one-night stands."

"Ah yes," he said, nodding in understanding. "Well, a long time ago that was who I used to be. And then I met Angela." His smile turned wistful and longing, as he looked down and fiddled with his wedding ring once more.

"I see," Lisbon smiled at this. "So she's the one who managed to reform you from your Casanova ways?"

"Yes," he simply said, looking up at her once more with a quiet smile.

For a moment, some silly platitude such as 'You must have really loved her' crossed her mind, but she managed to keep it in. If there was one thing she knew about Jane was how much he loved his wife. She never knew where was the line when it came to talking about this. He didn't use to talk about his wife or daughter much, and she didn't want to push him as she knew it was a sensitive subject. But he'd volunteered the information on his own and he seemed to be okay talking about it.

Lisbon had been stuck in the moment, trying to figure out how to proceed in this conversation. But just then Cho interrupted them, coming up and signaling them that the team was ready to move out and head back to HQ in Sacramento. They still needed to process the killer and at least start on the paperwork for the closed case.

The two of them exchanged one last smile then they got up and followed Cho back to the parking lot. Lisbon was glad Jane had opened up to her, even if only a little.


	3. Hindsight

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 1x16 "Bloodshot," at the end of the episode when Jane recovers his sight. For some reason this came out in present tense, which is not my norm. Oh and thanks for those who left reviews! I'm going to post these mostly chronologically as I write them down.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Hindsight_

"You're a jerk, you know that?" Lisbon tells him, crossing her arms as an attempt at being stern, but the smile still on her lips betrays her intentions.

"So I've heard," Jane replies readily, his smile dimming somewhat but present nonetheless.

"I take it your sight is fully back," she says after a moment and he nods in assent.

"Still a little blurry around the edges, but getting better every second now," he clarifies. "But seriously, you have no idea how good it is to see you, Lisbon."

"I'm glad you're better," she tells him, smiling with affection at him. "Do you want to grab breakfast? We could go to that diner you like, with the good eggs. We could talk."

"Are you trying to shrink me, Lisbon?" He narrows his eyes playfully at her. "Because the department has someone that does that and that I'm already supposed to see today, per Minelli's orders."

"Like you're actually going to see him," Lisbon rolls her eyes at him. "I know you, Jane. You'll avoid seeing doctors at any cost. And I'm just worried about you. Thought maybe you'd like someone to talk to, maybe." She finishes by casually putting her hands in the pockets of her pants.

"Well, I am feeling somewhat peckish. Alright, eggs it is then." Jane concedes with a smile as he swiftly gets up to his feet.

Sometime later the two of them are sitting at a table by the window of Jane's favorite diner near CBI HQ enjoying a healthy breakfast.

"You were in rather early," Lisbon comments, bringing her cup of coffee up to her lips. "I thought I told you there was no need to come in today."

"Hmm? Did you?" Jane answers casually, mirroring her movements and also bringing his cup of tea up to his lips for a sip.

"Yesterday was a very hectic day," she says, pursing her lips into a serious line. "It's okay if you want to take the day off. I'm mostly going to do paperwork anyway. Minelli has taken our team off rotation. Rigsby and Van Pelt are out today and Cho is on call if anything comes up. You can go home and rest."

"You're trying to send me away now that I have my sight back and can work properly again?" He retorts with a raised eyebrow and a quiet smile.

"We don't have any open cases right now," she simply shrugs in reply. "You could enjoy the peace and quiet for once."

"I know," he nods in understanding of her line of thought. Jane pauses for a moment, as if deciding if he wants to speak his next words before he does. "I'd just rather be working, keeping myself occupied with something, you know?"

She nods slowly, her eyes searching his face for the answers to the questions in her eyes. "Too many ghosts?"

"Eh. Working through my former client list…" He replies, shrugging casually with a half smile, which vanishes from his lips after a moment. "I got thinking about some things for the first time in years."

"You know Dan Hollenback and his father were wrong, right?" She frowns in concern at him, feeling the need to reassure him. "If he was cheating on his wife all you did was to confirm the suspicions that were already there. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh no, I know that. I have no qualms about my readings for Jill Lamont and the fallout of her marriage," he reassures her with a careless wave of his hand. "No, I was thinking about someone else."

"Carol Gentry?" Lisbon prods gently after a moment.

Jane looks up into her eyes, searching for something in them, almost exactly how she did a few moments before. "Yes."

"What happened there?" She asks quietly.

"I misread the situation," he explains, his voice equally quiet. "Actually made things worse, which was not my intention. She despaired and in the end took her own life with a bunch of pills and a bottle of wine." He pauses for a moment, his eyes going down towards his now empty plate. "You know, I'd never deny that I was a charlatan and a fraud and that I was taking advantage of all those people for their money and my own personal merriment. But at same time I did try to help the people who came after me for my 'psychic' abilities. Mostly all they wanted was some form of closure or peace of mind."

"I know," she nods at him and a small smile comes upon her lips. "You were helping them in your own way."

"I'm not so sure about that." He looks back up into her eyes with a self-deprecating smile.

"I don't think you set out to purposefully hurt anyone back then, at least not the way I see it." She tells him gently. Granted, Patrick Jane could at times be something of an insensitive, selfish sadist and she was well aware of that. But Lisbon also often witnesses how he tries to help those who need the most.

"Eh. It depends," he says, shrugging casually. "I'd make my own judgement of their characters. If they had good intentions then so did I. Otherwise… it was fair game."

"Your own brand of justice, I expect." She nods at his words.

"Bingo." He grins at her in reply.

She smiles a little at him and they grow silent for a moment as they finish their drinks. "Do me a favor?" She asks him then and he looks attentively back at her. "Take the day off. You should be resting anyway."

"Nah. I can rest on the couch in your office," he waves her concerns off with a casual hand gesture and a smile.

"Does that mean you're going to help me with the paperwork?" She raises a teasing eyebrow at him.

"Uh, no," he tilts his head a little to the side and frowns up at her like she said something crazy. "It means I'll be resting on the couch in your office while _you_ do paperwork."

Lisbon purses her lips, but she can't quite contain the smile from fully forming on them. She knows this is as much a compromise as she'll get from him at this point, so she takes it. At least she can keep an eye on him and be there in case he needs any help.


	4. Alive

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 1x23 "Red John's Footsteps," the season 1 finale. I'm putting in a scene between them taking Maya back from the farm to her parents' house.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Alive_

"Thank you."

Jane had been sitting down in the hospital waiting room, his legs crossed and his hand poised thoughtfully on his chin as his elbow rested on the armrest. They were waiting as the doctors checked out Maya Plaskett so that they could take her back to her family. He'd been lost in his thoughts, his blue-green eyes looking out yet not focusing in anything in particular, and he snapped out of it as he heard Lisbon's softly spoken words and felt her sitting next to him in the adjacent chair.

"You saved my life," she added, a small smile forming on her lips.

He gave her a small smile in return. "Well, I told you I'd always be there for you, no matter what," Jane said, recalling the words he'd told her months ago now, when they'd had a talk about trust during the investigation on the case of Carnelian Inc.

A soft frown formed between her eyebrows even as she still smiled gently at him. "How are you feeling? I know how hard this is, especially given how important it was to get him talking to us about Red John."

"I'm okay," he said with a deep sigh. "I don't feel any deep moral conflict in taking the life of someone as evil and degenerate as he was. Besides, he was never going to talk to us," he said with a placating head gesture. "His father died in prison without saying a single word about Red John. I doubt he'd ever give us anything."

"You think so?" Lisbon raised her eyebrows at his words. She couldn't tell if he really believed that or if he was telling her this for her peace of mind (or maybe even his own).

"Yeah," he said with a nod, though his eyes were once more far away.

"So… I have to ask," she said softly and waited until he focused back on her face to continue. "You'd be willing to risk your own life to find Red John, but when it came to me you didn't hesitate at all in firing that shot. Why?"

"My life is my own. I don't care what happens to it," he explained and shrugged in a matter-of-fact manner. "But I'd never risk getting you hurt, not ever." He said it with so much assurance and a spark of determination in his clear blue-green eyes, it nearly sent a chill down her spine.

"Jane…" She started to protest, a frown of equal parts concern and exasperation emerging on her forehead.

"It's alright, Lisbon." He countered with a slight shake of the head and a dismissive hand gesture.

"No, it's not. You need to get this idea that you're somehow expendable out of your head. It's not healthy and it's not helpful," she pleaded with him. "How do you expect me to count on you if you're going to keep acting like this?"

Jane stared back into her eyes for a moment, sensing her urgency and desperation. "This is the only way I know how to act," he told her calmly. He sighed heavily as her alarmed eyes looked back at him. "After my breakdown, Sophie Miller helped me get my life back. I managed that by making it my mission to catch Red John, no matter what. This is why I'm here. It's what gets me moving day after day, and I'll never rest until I'm done. This is what it means to be alive to me. So if I lose my life but it somehow leads you to getting Red John, then…" He lifted his hands in a rather helpless but resigned gesture.

"God, Jane. You're an idiot," she told him softly, blinking her suddenly gleaming eyes. "I understand you have your reasons and your issues and this is how you managed to cope and how you've been operating for a long while now. But you're still an idiot." She finished by giving him a rather watery smile.

"Duly noted." The corners of his mouth also twitched up in a quiet smile.

"And you're lying," Lisbon said, speaking in the same soft tone as before. Jane raised his eyebrows at that. "Yes, I know you say you'll do everything to catch Red John, even sacrifice your life if it came to it. I know that. And maybe that's how you managed to pull yourself together after you lost your family. But it's not the only thing that moves you and that's keeping you alive now."

"Really?" Jane seemed somewhat amused by her words, wondering how they'd got to the point that she thought she knew so much about him.

"Yes. I know you, Jane," she told him seriously. "And I don't believe it for a second that all that's keeping you here is a sense of revenge. There's so much more to you than that. And I stand by what I said: If it ever came down to it, I think you'd choose life." They stared at each other for a few moments, almost as if it were a game and whoever blinked first would lose. "Or at the very least I hope you would." She added in a whisper, still maintaining eye contact.

"Well, hopefully, with you helping me along the way it'll never come to that," he answered then, a conciliatory smile upon his lips.

Lisbon kept looking intently at him, trying to figure out if he was only placating her to end this discussion or if he was being genuine. She knew she wouldn't be able to change his ways so easily, as he had been operating like this for too long, so it was probably the former. But she couldn't help but hope that some of what she said made its way to his head and affected him somehow.

"Yeah, hopefully," she said at last. Just then she noticed the doctor approaching them, bringing Maya along. It looked like her examination had checked out and they were clear to take her back to her family.

* * *

A.N.: I think that originally in the TV show Lisbon had already grasped at some of what Jane said here about how he operates (after all, she is a good detective and he hasn't exactly been concealing his motivations), but I still felt it would be nice if he said the actual words and she responded to it. There's also something of a shift in his mood from their talk down in the cellar at the farm when they first discuss this (before he shoots Hardy) to the closing scene at the Plaskett's family home (he walks away from the others and just strolls through the property, coming across a tree, serenely plucking an orange from a branch) that got me thinking how he'd gotten from A to B, so this came out.


	5. Frustration

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x01 "Redemption".

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Frustration_

After the Dunninger family had left the office, Grace Van Pelt had gone out to do their case closed pizza run and the rest of the team had been waiting for her return. Patrick Jane had just laid down on his couch to take a quick cat nap as they waited for her when he'd felt the presence of one Special Agent in charge Teresa Lisbon hovering over him.

"Hold on. We're not finished yet," she said, and gestured with her head towards her office and she didn't wait for him as she turned briskly on her heels and walked towards the aforementioned room.

Jane groaned softly, the sound reverberating for a moment in his chest, but then swiftly got up to his feet and followed dutifully after her. "Of course, we are. The case is closed, we got the killer. We're about to have case closed pizza."

"The _case_ is finished," Lisbon said as she reached the door to her office and opened it, walking in and holding it open for him. "You and I are _not_ finished."

"Oh? Don't tell me, you're still mad at me." Jane walked in after her and closed the door for her.

"Yes, I am. You are absolutely infuriating." She stood behind her desk, arms crossed sternly over her chest as she glared at him.

"I know," he sighed the words in an affected resigned manner that merely served to aggravate her further.

"You can't keep doing this stuff." If possible, it seemed like her glare had intensified.

"Eh. If it's a matter of ability, then…" He trailed off, bobbing his head left and right for a moment as a smile tugged at his lips.

"You don't care and you'll keep doing it, won't you?" Lisbon narrowed her eyes at him, as she uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on her desk, leaning forward as she kept glaring at him.

"Do I close cases or do I close cases?" He said with raised eyebrows and quite an obnoxious smile.

"That's not the point!" She'd been on the verge of shouting, and even though the drapes of her office were closed, the walls didn't reach the ceiling and were made of glass and anyone would hear if she raised her voice, so she continued in a calmer tone. "We're supposed to work together, but you're so wrapped up in your stupid ego that you can't resist pulling this crap on me, all the time. Like I'm some mark for one of your cons or a member of the audience for your little shows. We work together, I deserve more respect than this, dammit!"

"You're right." He nodded solemnly at her words, his hands going into the pockets of his pants.

"And I don't resent the fact that you saved my life, you _know_ that. Stop _saying_ that." She pointed an accusing finger at him.

"I know. It was an insensitive joke." He grimaced at her words and raised his hands in a peaceful and conceding gesture. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Alright." She felt a little bit thrown that he apologized so quickly and sincerely to that. Maybe it was something that had been weighing him down as well. Nevertheless she remembered why she started this tirade in the first place and soldiered on. "Thank you. Now you need to stop dumping your frustration over the Red John case by pissing off everyone around you."

"I'm not─" He frowned in protest at her words.

"Really? You're going to try to deny that to me now?" She raised her eyebrows pointedly at him. "Like it isn't what you've been doing ever since we came back from San Angelo? Showing off, being abrasive, careless and arrogant, letting everyone know you're the smartest one in the room?"

"Well, don't hold back now, Lisbon." He suddenly seemed somewhat bashful at being called out on this, his eyes darting to the floor as he balanced his weight on the balls of his feet, his eyebrows flickering up for a second.

"Why should I mind my words when you don't?" She practically threw the words at him, her chin jutting out in defiance.

"I said I was sorry for what I said before," he said, his voice quieter now as he looked back at her face.

"You say that and you tell me you're going to play by the rules and then I find you broke into a house with Rigsby and Cho to pull one of your little stunts. How is that supposed to make me feel?" She frowned at him once more.

"Oh that was a calculated risk and, really, a very minor infraction, all things considered," he said dismissively. "No one got hurt, there was no mess for you to clean and it worked, didn't it? We got the killer and we solved the case."

"_You_ solved the case," she narrowed her eyes at him. "You didn't care to fill me in on your little plan."

"I would have, but you were still mad at me and didn't want to listen to what I had planned," he retorted promptly, more bite in his voice than was customary.

She drew back at this, almost as if his words had a physical effect on her. "I would've listened to you, if you actually cared to explain what it is you wanted to do and why. God, I don't know how Cho can put up with this."

"Lisbon, I'm not a cop and this is exactly why you keep me around," he said, holding his hands up when it looked like she was about to interrupt him. "I work through the case in my own way and I get results. If you want someone who's just going to follow all the CBI rules and procedures, you already have your team for that. Then, what? Do you just want me around to 'read' your suspects? You guys can do that. Not as expertly as I can, of course, but you're capable enough."

She opened her mouth to continue what was starting to sound like an endless discussion, but she hesitated for a few seconds, which was long enough for her to change her mind. "Okay, you're right."

"Well, I'm glad we agree, then." Jane looked a little surprised that she'd relented to his point so quickly, but he wasn't about to complain about that.

"I realize you have years of being a showman ingrained into you, and it's why you have this penchant for keeping things to yourself," she said, coming out from behind her desk and stepping closer to him. "So it all boils down to this: Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I trust you," he said at once, his voice betraying his hurt that she'd even ask him that. "Haven't we gone through this already?"

"Okay. Then prove that by telling me when you plan something major and stupid during our cases, so that I can be there to back you up," she proposed. "No more going behind my back and pulling stupid stunts like going on your own with masks or fake diaries to get confessions out of killers."

"Okay, that sounds fair," he nodded at her after a moment with something of a smile. "But just so we're clear: Only major and stupid, right? If it's something minor and quite clever, then it's okay for me to go on my own?"

"Jane!" She closed her eyes in exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment.

"I'm kidding," he quickly raised his hands and smiled at her. "Well, partially. I _can_ promise that I will make an effort to communicate better with you so that we'll work together to close cases."

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at him for a moment longer. "Alright," she said, sighing a little.

Jane smiled charmingly at her, and Lisbon barely managed to keep a serious face. Just then Van Pelt got back with their pizzas, so they left her office and joined the others in celebration of another case closed.

* * *

A.N.: I have no idea why I went from the two of them having such a calm, tender moment in the last chapter to being so irritated with each other here, but I usually just go with whatever emotions the episodes evoke in me and this is what came out.


	6. Insight

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x03 "Red Badge". How did Jane convince Lisbon to throw quite the spectacle in order to catch Dr. Carmen?

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Insight_

Lisbon had just walked up to her front door after Jane went out, closing her eyes and feeling her tears fall down her face. Suddenly feeling exhausted, she pressed her forehead against the door and sighed heavily, wondering what in the world was going to happen to her now.

"Lisbon?" She suddenly jumped when she felt the light knock on the door and heard Jane's voice just outside. "Please let me back in? I just thought of something."

"Jane…" She sighed, and a protest was halfway through her lips when she swallowed her words. A part of her wanted to wallow in self-pity and just be alone and cry for a while, which was why she'd asked him to leave. But another part of her recognized that sitting in her house alone and crying would not get her out of this mess. If Jane knew something that could help her, she would take it. If anyone could help her now it was probably Patrick Jane.

She pulled the door open and ushered him in. She recognized a spark of excitement in his bluish green eyes, something that hadn't been there just a minute before when he'd left her. "What is it?"

"You were right, I _am_ the best at this, right?" He spoke not in a boastful manner, as he was wont to do, but as someone merely stating a fact. "I thought maybe it was something I did wrong, maybe there was some sort of block keeping me from reaching your memories. You did say earlier that you didn't want me inside your head."

"Yeah, I know, but I changed my mind," she was quick to reassure him, as she subconsciously crossed her arms in a defensive posture. "I need your help and I trust you."

"No, I know that. It's not anything I did wrong─anything _we_ did wrong," he said, the words coming out quickly as he grew excited as he explained his thoughts. "So if the memory wasn't there for you to see, there's only one logical explanation. There _is_ no memory."

"Okay," she said slowly, frowning in confusion at him. "Why do you say that like it's a good thing? If I can't remember what I did, then I can't be sure of what I did or didn't do. We're back to square one."

"No, but think about it," Jane said, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "If there had been a memory there, I would've been able to help you retrieve it. You can't remember it because there is _nothing_ to remember. And _that_ is something that can only happen for one reason: You've been drugged."

"What?" She blinked up her eyes at him, her frown becoming even more pronounced. "What do you mean, drugged? How would someone even drug me without me realizing it?"

"I'm sure about this, Lisbon." He told her in that tone of utmost conviction that she knew so well. "After all, nothing else would account for sudden memory loss. You didn't suffer any recent blows to the head and there are no other symptoms that would indicate illnesses or other possible scenarios for this."

"Okay," she nodded slowly, thinking over his explanation and making sense of it. "But who would drug me? How? And why?"

"I expect the answers to these questions are all connected," he said, gesturing with his hands as he started thinking it out loud with her. "Now there are a few drugs capable of producing that effect, I'm sure you know all about them: GHB, rohypnol, hypnotics. I'm thinking it was probably some form of benzo, such as diazepam or lorazepam, which would cause anterograde amnesia."

"Benzos?" She frowned and made a gesture of bewilderment with her hands. "Why benzos?"

"Just a hunch," he said, tapping at his lips with an index finger as he started pacing the room. "As for how you would be drugged, probably a beverage. Who would have access to give you a laced beverage? Think about your day. Anything different you had to drink? Is there anything that strikes you as odd?" He turned and looked intently into her face.

"What? No." She frowned at him, feeling a little thrown with his line of thought and trying to keep up. "Okay, so I had several cups of coffee at work, as usual. I poured it myself, there's no way someone put drugs in it, unless everyone else in the department was drugged as well. Then a water bottle when I skipped lunch. And…"

"And?" He prompted, still watching her face carefully.

"There was also Dr. Carmen's crappy coffee in his office during my appointment." She added after a moment, her lips twisting in thought.

"Hmm." Jane murmured, his eyes narrowing momentarily.

"What? You know something." Lisbon said, as she saw that, her eyes widening a little as it dawned on her. "_Dr. Carmen_?"

"It fits," he said, biting his lower lip with a thoughtful look on his face. "He'd have access to the drugs. It would explain why he still hasn't signed you off for the counseling sessions. A couple of sessions, okay. But he's been holding you now for too long."

"But why would he do that? What's his motive?" She asked, feeling completely bewildered by this turn of events. Though honestly everything that had happened in the last couple of days seemed bewildering as it was, a part of her brain wondered why should this surprise her anymore.

"Well, obviously you're being framed," Jane said, nodding along at his words. "The killer did a pro job, perfect clean shots, shell casings gone and then we find the murder weapon conveniently close to the crime scene with your prints on it? If you had killed him, that gun would've been wiped clean and sitting at the bottom of the river, never to be found."

"So Roy Carmen is framing me," Lisbon said, testing the words out loud to see if it made more sense. As she thought it over, suddenly she narrowed her eyes and her whole expression darkened considerably. "I'm going to kill him." Jane raised his eyebrows at her declaration. "Seriously, I want to punch the lights out of that son of a bitch."

"Okay, hold on," Jane said quickly, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "Far be it from me to stand in the way of your revenge, but in case you'd like to prosecute him to the full extent of the law, and I believe you do, we still need to catch him. This is all just conjecture and circumstantial at this point, we don't have anything on him."

"Oh we'll find it," she said forcefully. "I'll get the team working on it. There's always a trail. There's going to be something and we'll catch him and nail that bastard."

"That might be, but it will probably take a while," he conceded with a nod of the head, then lifted his eyebrows at her. "Wouldn't a confession be simpler and better?"

Lisbon tilted her head just slightly, narrowing her eyes at him. "What are you thinking?"

"I saw you did some undercover work back when you were with SFPD." He returned her one of his near patented Patrick Jane smiles. "How are your acting skills?"

* * *

After Lisbon had punched, cuffed and Miranda'ed Dr. Roy Carmen, she'd passed him over to Wayne Rigsby, who'd been standing outside by her front door, waiting in case any back-up was needed. Since technically she was still suspended, Lisbon wouldn't be able to officially take him in, process and interview him for the murder of William Mcteer, so she let Rigsby take care of all that.

"Hey," Lisbon said, as Rigsby marched Carmen out of her house, and found Jane still standing in her living room. "Are you going with Rigsby back to HQ?"

"Nah. He and the rest of the team can handle it. I thought I'd stay and help you clean this up," he said, gesturing with a hand at the considerable mess in her living room, with the bottles, pills and bullets spilled about.

"Don't worry about it," Lisbon said dismissively, walking over and retrieving the near empty bottle of whisky from the floor.

"Nice punch there," he commented, sitting down on the ottoman and starting to collect the spilled pills on the coffee table. "I'll bet it felt good to get those things off your chest as well."

"You know I just said all that to get him talking," she said, straightening up and putting the bottle on the coffee table, and she started gathering the stray bullets.

"Hum." He murmured, one of his eyebrows rising.

Lisbon stopped what she'd been doing, turned and narrowed her eyes at him. "What?"

"Oh you're good," Jane replied calmly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he concentrated on collecting the pills. "Don't get me wrong, you were great there at the station, throwing that chair at the window and all of that. But here, when you were talking to Carmen about being angry and exploding, all the misery and pain?" He put the pills back in the bottle and looked up directly into her eyes. "You weren't acting, Lisbon."

She stared at him, feeling frozen under his piercing gaze. Working with Jane for so long now, she'd somehow thought she would already be used to his methods and being subjected to his cold readings, however that was not the case. Finally she blinked her eyes and opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out and she just started to feel like a fish out of water.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" Jane trailed off, whatever it was that he'd been saying getting lost in the air. He seemed somewhat surprised with himself and unsure of what he was doing for a moment, but then a quiet smile returned to his lips. "I just wanted you to know that I understand."

"Thanks," she said quietly, a small smile also forming on her lips.

They remained in silence for a few seconds as the moment stretched before them. Jane then cleared his throat and said, "If you'd like, I can take you to HQ. We could watch the interviews and see Carmen sweat it out. Also Minelli should be able to reinstate you now."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Lisbon said, smiling gratefully at him. "Let me just put on some decent clothes and we'll go."

She went up the staircase towards her bedroom to get a change of clothes while Jane waited for her downstairs, taking advantage of this opportunity to snoop through her possessions and delighting in what he could find.


	7. Loyalty

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x06 "Black Gold and Red Blood". This is deviating a bit from the format of the previous chapters, as I'm inserting a sort of analysis to an actual scene of the show instead of creating an extra scene.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Loyalty_

"I thought this would teach Jane a lesson. I thought he'd back down or apologize, but he didn't and now it's gone too far. You got to let him go. If you drop the charges the AG won't chase it."

"What if I don't wanna do that?"

A part of Lisbon wondered at Bosco's insistence in prosecuting Jane. Yes, he'd crossed a line. Bugging the office of a state agent was bad enough but he'd also managed to break out of prison─though internally she'd rolled her eyes at her own surprise at this turn of events. Hadn't Jane already proven to be capable of just about anything?─And she understood how many law enforcement agents were against Jane's methods on principle. In fact, Lisbon herself at times had wondered why she'd extended him a hand to work with her that first time and why she still put up with all his bullshit even though he'd always cause her so much trouble. Apart from Cho, who would at times actively indulge in Jane's shenanigans, she was probably the only person capable of handling him─or to be fooled by him into thinking she was handling him, she was never sure which.

Yet it didn't seem like Bosco had been objecting to the crime itself, but more to the fact that it had been Jane the one who committed it. He'd said he would be willing to drop the charges if Jane agreed to leave the CBI and never come back. Why? Jane's request to be kept up to date on the investigation of the Red John case also wasn't an unreasonable one. It all started to sound more like a pissing match than anything else, and frankly Lisbon was tired of this crap. She didn't think asking nicely would have any effect, no matter how much leverage she may or may not have with Bosco, so it was time to step up and bring out the big guns.

"Don't make me go there, Sam."

"What are you saying, exactly?"

"You know what I'm saying. I'll talk about what happened eight years ago."

Okay, so this wasn't so much as bringing out the big guns as getting past that straight to the nuclear option. Mutually assured self-destruction and all of that.

"You'd go there? Really? I don't believe you."

"Believe me. Here I am."

Once upon a time, Sam Bosco was the person who'd invoked her loyalty and trust completely. The man had been her supervisor and he was good police. He'd had her back and saved her life on a couple of occasions as well. She'd looked up to him and strived to be as good a cop as he was. He'd been her role model, teaching her how to conduct herself with utmost professionalism, integrity and honor.

Her relationship with Bosco had been an easy one. They understood each other and worked on the same wavelength; it had been easy for her to walk alongside him and learn in his footsteps. He was an experienced cop, so she'd learned the basics and everything else from him, how to work the streets, how to conduct interviews, how to investigate cases. He'd taught her well and she'd risen quickly through the ranks to the position she now occupied as Special Agent in charge of the homicide and serious crimes unit of the California Bureau of Investigation. She would be eternally grateful to him and everything they'd had together.

Yet, as she'd just said, here she was.

"You would ruin our lives, _our_ careers, over Jane? Does he mean that much to you?"

"He closes cases."

"_He closes cases_. Is that all it is?"

Lisbon could never begin to explain just what exactly Patrick Jane meant to her. She'd keep hiding behind her 'he closes cases' speech until it would all inevitably blow up in her face.

Nowadays her loyalty was bound to a man so careless and self-destructive that it scared her a little. Her relationship with Jane was the complete opposite of what she'd had with Bosco, and unlike any other relationship she'd ever had, actually. Jane was manipulative, selfish, inconsequential, arrogant and childish, to name but a few of his less favoring traits. He was a conman by nature, so it would be her job not to trust him. But she believed him when he said he'd always be there for her, no matter what. He'd already saved her, once by shooting the man who'd been about to kill her, even though keeping that man alive had been detrimental to him. And another time, when she'd been framed for a murder she didn't commit. As time went by, she couldn't help but learn to trust him and now they got to a point that he was someone so important to her that they'd come to this. So she was honoring her part of their unspoken deal by sticking to him till the end.

"I'm telling you, if you don't let Jane go, I'll talk. That's all. What are you going to do?"

Working with someone like Jane was always a liability, but that party line also existed for a reason. _He closes cases_. Every single case he'd worked on had been closed. And they weren't minor, petty crimes, either. They were gruesome murders and thanks to him justice had been served. In her eyes, the good outweighed the bad. She wasn't about to stand on her pride until she grew blue in the face just because he managed to achieve something she wouldn't on her own. Lisbon knew her value, she knew her strengths, and one of those strengths was recognizing that he was an asset, he was someone who could help her take criminals off the streets and make sure no victim would go unavenged. So she'd take the heat and handle all the mess that he'd cause along the way, because it was worth it.

After being released and getting back to CBI HQ, Jane had given her a casual yet heartfelt thank you for getting him out, and she'd tried to shy away from that responsibility. Although it had the outcome she'd expected, she didn't want to remind herself just what exactly she'd done to make that happen. However, as usual, Jane had been able to assess the situation correctly as he posed his theory and confirmed it by reading the truth all over her face.

"I'm touched. That you would risk your career over me. That means a lot to me."

"If you're right, and I'm not saying you are, it would mean I broke the trust of somebody I respect and admire for your sake. If it is true, I would hope in the future you'd be a little bit more mature and responsible in your behavior."

"I'm grateful and all that, but let's not go crazy here."

"I should've let you rot in jail."

(Sometimes, she thought that it was also worth it just to see him smile like that. But she'd never admit that, not even to herself, for fear of what _that_ might actually mean.)


	8. Perspective

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x07 "Red Bulls". Once more, I'm adding a scene after the screen fades to black at the end of the episode.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Perspective_

After Bosco had left her office, Lisbon had spent a couple of seconds looking after him as he went out to the bullpen, wondering about the tequila and the moment they'd just shared. But then she just shook her head to herself and sat down at her table. She still needed to tick a few boxes of the case report so that it would be finalized and submitted for Minelli's review.

"Hey." Jane stood at her door, a quiet smile on his lips.

"Hey." She looked up at him, also smiling slightly, then noticed the folder in his hands. "What do you got there?"

"Bosco's notes on Red John," he replied, same quiet smile yet there was a bounce in his step as he walked into her office, going towards her couch. "I already told him I'll need the full case file."

"Wow. How did that happen?" She dropped her pen and folded her hands on her desk, giving him a moment of her undivided attention.

"He said he wanted me to take a look and tell him what I think," he said casually as he laid down on her couch, propping his head up on the cushions on the far end and facing her. "Apparently he'd welcome my perspective on a few things."

"Congratulations," she told him sincerely, her smile glowing a little brighter then. "You finally got what you wanted."

"Well, I have you to thank," he said with a slight head tilt, the folder laying on his chest as he just kept looking at her for a moment. "You really do think I made you a better cop, don't you?" He said it with some wonder in his voice as he openly stared at her.

"Yeah, right." She twisted her lips in a sarcastic smile, as she also rolled her eyes for good measure, picking up her pen once more as she looked down at the papers in front of her. "I only said that to make a point."

"Ah I know when you're lying, Lisbon. And you weren't lying then," Jane said shrewdly, a tone of near laughter in his voice at her denial. "Let me just say, I'm really touched that you think that," he added in a softer tone, placing his right hand over his heart.

"You're delusional." She insisted in the same sarcastic tone without looking at him.

"I've never seen anything more clearly in my life," Jane replied in good humor as he opened the folder and started scanning through the pages. "Although in a way it _was_ your fault that Bosco wouldn't share this with me in the first place."

"Come again?" She stopped writing and narrowed her eyes at him. "You're blaming _me_ for getting us off the Red John case?"

"No, no, not _that_," he said dismissively with a waving hand gesture as he lowered the folder and looked back at her. "But it _is_ your fault that Bosco didn't like me and wouldn't let me come near the case."

"Really? How do you figure that one?" She leaned back on her chair and raised an eyebrow at him. This ought to be good, she thought to herself.

"He was trying to protect you," he explained with a nod at her. "From me, apparently." He added, his eyebrows flickering up for a moment. "I keep telling you, that man would die and kill for you."

"You're being ridiculous." She shook her head, leaning forward once more and getting back to her report.

"He told me that by working with you I was hurting you." He told her as he once more opened the folder and flipped languidly through the pages.

"He's not wrong," she said airily, not bothering to look up as she kept writing. "You do make things difficult, sometimes."

"Ah yes, but I also made you a better cop." She lifted her eyes and glared slightly at him. "And I close cases." Her head then bobbed left and right as her eyebrows flickered up, feeling reluctant to acknowledge it but also needing to concede his point. "And we work well together, don't we?" Jane finished by grinning brightly at her.

Finally she stopped writing and gave him her full attention, pursing her lips for a moment, but unable to keep her own smile from emerging as well. "Yes, we do." Lisbon replied softly, her voice warm.

"There. So I can't really blame the man for being a little jealous and territorial. He thinks I've usurped his place in your life, with us working together and all," Jane openly pondered on the matter, and there was a wicked glint in his bluish green eyes before he continued. "There's also the fact that he's in love with you and sees me as a threat."

"Again, you are being ridiculous." At this, she leveled her eyes back to her report and continued speaking without looking at him. "A, he is not in love with me. And B, even if he was, there's nothing to be jealous about."

"Clearly you're in denial, Lisbon. How long will you continue to avoid what's obvious?" He posed his question conversationally.

Oh that was a double entendré she would most definitely sidestep at all costs. Lisbon studiously avoided his face, determined not to fall for his tricks. "I'm not in denial of anything," she countered quickly, a smile threatening to come to life at the corners of her lips as they went back and forth with the argument. "You're the one who doesn't want to admit the simple truth that Bosco doesn't like you because you're a jackass, most of the time."

"Ouch. Touched a nerve there, did I?" He lifted his eyebrows at her with a grin.

"Oh like you're one to talk." She rolled her eyes, still not looking at him.

"Alright. I'll let this go. For now." Jane lifted his hands in a peaceful gesture, picking up the folder once more before speaking again. "Time will prove to you that I'm right, you'll see."

She risked a glance over at him and he just gave her one of his annoyingly charming smiles. Lisbon shook her head slightly to herself and got back to the task at hand. The two of them fell into a companionable silence as they continued working into the night.


	9. Cold

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x08 "His Red Right Hand". I don't usually do Jane's POV, but this came out rather naturally for me and I liked it. Also, drinking that much tequila while in mourning doesn't sound like such a good idea to me, so this was the result.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Cold_

As the sounds of the hummed Amazing Grace dimmed, Patrick Jane found his feet taking him up the stairs and towards the conference room of that fatal and gruesome shooting a week before. The yellow crime scene tapes were still in place as clean up had just barely started though the room had already been processed. He realized absentmindedly that he still had the tequila shot glass in his hand and put it down on top of a cabinet as he moved towards the several boxes labelled Red John. Grabbing the one closest to him, he hauled it over to the conference table and started taking out the files, going methodically through the many documents in them.

He'd been working for a while when he heard faint footsteps approaching in the hallway. The part of his brain that worked as his alert system recognized them, categorizing who approached him as non-threatening, so he remained fully concentrated, pouring over the papers in front of him.

"Hey. What you doing?"

"Lisbon?" Jane turned to her and frowned up a little in concern, as something about her voice drew his attention. He took in her appearance, noting her rosy cheeks, her slightly slumped posture as she leaned on the doorway, the glassy look in her eyes. "You're drunk."

"No, I'm not." She rolled her eyes belligerently at him.

"Yeah, you are." He continued to frown at her, mentally assessing just how much she'd had to drink that night. They'd started drinking that first bottle of tequila on their own before the rest of the team joined them, so most of it was consumed by the two of them. He also knew she'd skipped dinner, which probably contributed to her current inebriated state. "Where is everyone?"

"Oh they left," she replied airily, a casual waving hand gesture accompanying her words. "I didn't feel like going." She added with a shrug.

"Wise move, considering you're drunk and shouldn't be driving," he raised his eyebrows pointedly at her.

"Oh hush," she made another waving hand gesture and pushed off the doorway, walking up to the table to join him. "So what are you doing here?"

"I'm working. I need to catch up on the Red John case," he indicated with a hand gesture of his own at the files he'd been perusing through, as he pushed off the chair and stood next to her. "But come on, let me take you home."

"No," she frowned at him, her mouth set in a stubborn line. "If you're working, then I should be working, too."

"It's late and it's been a long week," he sighed heavily then gave her a tentative smile. "You're drunk. You should go home and sleep."

"I'm not drunk!" Lisbon protested loudly as she glared at him, her lips twisting in annoyance. "Stop saying that."

"Right," he said, his tone making it clear he didn't believe her.

This was uncharted territory, as Jane had never had to deal with an intoxicated Lisbon before. Sure, on occasion they'd shared a drink or two after work over dinner or even at the office after a few tough cases, but more often than not he was the one on the tipsy side of the scale while she was the designated driver. He'd never seen her like this. The emotional component was definitely affecting her psyche.

"Come on," he said, reaching over and putting a hand on her shoulder gently. "I think it's time for coffee."

After a tense moment when it looked like Lisbon was about to protest again she relented, allowing him to steer her away from the conference room. As they went back downstairs to the floor of Major Crimes and walked by the bullpen, Jane noticed the remains of their drinking party on the conference table, taking note of the second and equally emptied bottle of tequila.

Soon enough Lisbon was seated at one of the tables of their empty break room with Jane pouring her a cup of coffee. She raised an eyebrow as he sat down opposite her with a cup of his own.

"You're drinking coffee?" She asked him, surprised.

"Need something stronger than tea," he replied calmly. He wasn't drunk per se, or at least not as much as she was, but he could feel his sobriety level was somewhat affected by the tequila he'd had earlier. That and he wanted to keep her company─granted, she drank her coffee black while he added cream and sugar to his, but hey, he made an effort.

They lapsed into silence as they sipped from their cups. Jane watched her attentively, his eyes roaming her face as he took in her appearance. She was still a little flushed and her eyes somewhat glazed over, but the touch of hysteria that he'd detected in her before seemed to be gone now.

"Jane," she said then, her voice small as she frowned in thought at him. "Tell me the truth. What did you and Bosco talk about?"

He looked back into her eyes and remained in silence for a couple of beats as he read her. "I already told you."

"Wow, you must really think I'm an idiot," she exhaled loudly, rolling her eyes openly at him. At his raised eyebrow, she added, "I know you two were talking about Red John."

"Hmm," he murmured noncommittally, taking another sip of his coffee, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Go ahead, deny it," she challenged him, slamming her cup down on the table loudly, her voice rising with anger. "Tell me I'm wrong, lie right to my face."

Jane maintained perfect composure, still cradling his cup with both hands as he looked her directly in the eye. For a few seconds they only stared at each other. Instead of doing as she said or trying to placate her somehow, he did neither and merely waited for her next movement.

"Would you for once tell me the truth? Why is that so hard for you to do? Huh? You tell me you trust me, you constantly ask me to trust you, yet you still keep me out. Do you know how frustrating that is?" Her green eyes were swimming in tears as she said this, but she managed to keep them from spilling over.

"Lisbon," he said tentatively, as he finally put his cup down.

"Don't. Don't you 'Lisbon' me on this," she shook her head, her cheeks growing redder. "Tell me the truth."

"He told me he loved you and that I needed to take care of you." He answered promptly, maintaining his calm tone, but his words came out clearcut, an unshameful attempt to rattle her and stop them from going down this road.

"I already know that. What else?" She volleyed back without hesitation, her eyes still shining brightly but never leaving his face, keeping him grounded to her.

"Listen to me, this is important," he said then, his words coming out in a more serious tone than he'd used so far. He could see it had the effect he'd hoped for, as she looked back at him and waited for what he was about to say unconsciously holding her breath. "If I don't tell you things, it's not because I don't want to. It's for your protection."

"Oh please," she breathed out, rolling her eyes at him almost with her entire body. "You need to stop this nonsense. I don't need to be taken care of. I'm a cop."

"That's not what I mean." His eyes searched for something in hers for a moment. "Deniability, Lisbon. Deniability."

"Oh _right_. Deniability." She nodded and smiled sarcastically at him. "So you keeping things from me has nothing to do with your incessant need for secrecy or your trust issues or whatever the hell is going on that you won't tell me."

"Lisbon, just let this go," he asked her quietly. "If he wanted you to know, he wouldn't have asked you to leave the room so that we could talk alone. You know that."

She took her breath in sharply and once more he could see tears in her eyes. "You know, you can really be a cold bastard."

"Yeah," he nodded in agreement readily enough.

"But I know that underneath this cold veneer," she said, her words coming out strong and clearcut, her own attempt at rattling him as she gestured at him with her hands, "this callousness and righteousness, this 'you need to think logically' crap there's someone who cares so much that it scares you."

Unexpectedly, his bluish green eyes flashed with something then and before he could stop himself the words were coming out of his mouth. "Yes, it does. Of course, it does. How could it not?"

She blinked up at him and he stared back at her, both caught by surprise by his near emotional outburst. This was the closest he'd been to being so open about anything he'd been feeling for the past week. It seemed that Lisbon hadn't counted on her words affecting him like this either so she wasn't prepared for a follow up to this, and Jane took advantage of this.

"Look, telling you won't change a thing," he said, attempting to recover his calm posture and a semblance of control of the situation, as well as effectively avoiding what he'd just said. "It won't bring him back. It won't stop you being angry with me."

"I'm not angry," she protested, suddenly feeling calm despite her earlier angry words, frowning in confusion at him.

"Of course, you're angry. I'm the reason he's dead. I'm the reason they're all dead," he said, his soft voice breaking a little on the last word and betraying his emotions once more, so he avoided her eyes and looked down at his cup.

"Rebecca Anderson is the reason they're dead. _Red John_ is the reason they're dead," she countered, her voice firm and fire dancing in her green eyes. "Don't you dare add this to your list of things to feel guilty about. That's just what he wants."

Jane raised his eyes then and looked back at her. He could sense how strongly she felt about what she'd said, they weren't mere empty words just to make him feel better. He almost felt bad at nearly manipulating her to turn the tables on her and stop this argument.

"Anyway, I don't need you to tell me what you two talked about," she added after a moment, her voice softer. "I already know."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in attitude.

She nodded slowly at him. "Bosco asked that you kill Red John when you catch him," Lisbon elaborated. Another moment passed as they only regarded each other then she shrugged matter-of-factly. "At least that's what I think. Like you said, I did know him well, and that's one reason I could think of why he'd ask to talk alone to you about Red John and that you wouldn't want to tell me."

After a moment a small smile came upon his lips. He didn't say anything to confirm or deny her supposition, merely bringing his cup back up to his lips. She also gave him just the barest of smiles as she also continued sipping her coffee. They didn't discuss Bosco's last words to either of them anymore. Lisbon reached out across the table and grabbed his hand as they finished drinking their coffees, then they left and Jane gave her a ride home.


	10. Bloodline

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x10 "Throwing Fire". I'm getting just a little bit creative with the Jane family history here.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Bloodline_

"Would you let me take you to the doctor?" Lisbon insisted as she followed Jane out to her car. "You've been woozy and prone to dizzy spells all day."

"Oh what is a doctor going to tell us that we don't already know?" Jane replied dismissively.

"You might have a concussion." She pointed out as she frowned in concern at him, unlocking the car doors and getting into the driver's seat.

"If that's the case then there's nothing to do. Just observe and don't let me sleep for a while, I know the drill." He countered as he got into the passenger's seat beside her.

"You might have a brain bleed!" She tried one more time, throwing her hands up in frustration after putting the car key in the ignition.

"Okay, I'll let you take me to the hospital if I actually pass out again," he proposed calmly, a half smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You can even call in an ambulance if that's what you want."

Lisbon pursed her lips in response, motioning with a hand for him to do up his seat belt as she started the car and drove them out of the baseball academy.

"How is your headache?" Jane asked conversationally after they were silent for a while.

"_My_ headache?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not the one who got hit in the head."

"You know I saw you take something for your headache back at CBI," he said easily with a knowing smile. "Then you left the bottle on the table in an attempt to induce me to also take something for my pain."

Her lips twisted in a sign of annoyance as she rolled her eyes to herself. "My head is fine, thanks," she answered him after a moment.

"Good to know," he nodded at her, a smile still present on his lips. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know I don't mind the pain."

"I know." She nodded in reply, her eyes focused on the road.

"Plus I needed to be sharp in order to catch the killer." He added with a casual hand gesture.

"Hmm." She murmured noncommittally, her eyebrows flickering up for a moment.

"What?" Jane raised an eyebrow at her.

She glanced at him. "Cho said you've been going off in daydreams, staring at nothing," she said softly. "So what's on your mind? If it's not because you were hit in the head, then I can assume something else has been bothering you today."

"Very perceptive." He nodded at her with a smile.

"Gee, thanks," she rolled her eyes sarcastically at him. "Sometimes you treat me like I'm not a detective at all. Maybe I can't read minds like you, but I can read your moods too, you know."

"Really?" His smile became quite bemused then. "Would you care to venture a guess, then?"

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye a couple of times, her mouth quirking up into a smile. "I guess it's something to do with your father?" She said slowly.

Jane narrowed his eyes at her, turning in his seat so that he could look directly at her. "What did Cho tell you, exactly?"

"Only that you nearly fainted again and that there's something off about you," she replied easily. "But I remember that when we got here you said something about, what was it? Parents and big regrets we keep to ourselves?" She asked, glancing at him back and forth, attempting to read him even as she kept her eyes on the road. "You see, I listen to what you say, even though you think I don't." She finished with a smile.

"Wow. I'll admit I'm impressed," he said, raising his eyebrows at her. "Well done, Lisbon."

She accepted his praise with good humor, feeling rather silly for blushing a little yet unable to stop herself. "You said you used to travel with a circus with your dad," she commented, both to disguise her bout of embarrassment and get them back to the topic of Jane's father. "What was that like?"

"Oh I'm sure you can imagine," he said, an easy smile on his lips as he gestured casually with his hands. "A lot of fun and games, wild people, happy days."

"That bad, huh?" Lisbon asked softly, as if she could see through the rosy picture he tried to paint of his past.

Jane raised his eyebrows in surprise once more, the smile leaving his lips. He spent a few moments looking at her, deciding how to respond. "Well, sometimes," he said at last, his tone rather serious now. After some quick consideration, he decided to elaborate. "I didn't like some of the scams my father would have us pulling on people. He had a very particular view of the world in terms of us versus them. Either you were in with the show, or you were a sucker, a mark, someone to be taken advantage of. Not his fault, really." He said with a rather helpless shrug. "Most of the carny circle behave like this. Which is why I chose to get out."

"And that's when you started your psychic business?" She asked him, feeling curious that he was opening up so easily to her.

"I already had a psychic act with the circus, it was how I honed my skills," he explained. "When I got out I could focus on my mentalist skills and at the very least choose how to use them."

"How did your father take it?" She asked, frowning a little as she could guess what would be the answer.

"Like the biggest betrayal of all," he sighed. "Called me an ungrateful punk and several more lowly choice words that I'd rather not say here."

They spent a few moments in silence, the stretch of road rolling out in front of them before she spoke again. "I'm curious. How did your family end up with a circus carnival circuit in the first place?"

"Oh long family tradition coming all the way from Ireland. My parents had an act," he said, and this time his smile seemed more genuine. "He was a magician, she was his lovely assistant. My father taught me many of the sleight of hand tricks I know and the foundations on how to work with hypnosis."

"That must have been one interesting childhood." She observed and smiled at him.

"For the most part," he sighed once more. "Then my mother died after the summer I turned twelve." He paused abruptly and exchanged a look with Lisbon, her eyes widening in surprise. It was an odd coincidence that both their mothers had died when they'd been twelve years old.

"Anyway, my father never really got over it," Jane carried on, shrugging despondently as he knew she knew what that was like. "He just became bitter, resentful and greedy. His act tanked, but we couldn't leave the circus as we had nowhere else to go. He also had a bit of a gambling problem. He was nowhere near as good as he thought he was, so every time we made some extra money he'd lose it in poker games. And it was around that time he noticed how my memory and observational skills could be used on an act and that's how the Boy Wonder came to be."

"You were twelve when you started to perform on stage?" Lisbon raised her eyebrows in surprise at him. She had no idea he'd been in the game from such a young age.

"No, it was years before, actually," he clarified, surprising her even more. "I was about nine the first time I did my act, I think."

"Wow," she whispered softly in response. "You know, you are starting to make a lot more sense to me. Thank you."

"What for?" He turned to her, his eyes searching for something in her face.

"For telling me all of this," she turned to him, risking taking her eyes off the road for a few seconds to look him directly in the eyes. She knew he was a very private person with a basic M.O. of keeping secrets as default. The fact that he was willing to share part of his past with her seemed very significant.

Jane only smiled back at her in response. After a moment he grimaced and brought his hand up to his head.

"Will you take something for the pain now?" Lisbon asked, raising an eyebrow at him as she noticed his pain.

"Nah. There's no need for any pills. A nice glass of red wine should do the trick," he said easily, a smile returning to his lips. "Dinner?"

"Fine. Where do you want to go?" She replied, an easy smile also appearing on her face.

Just like that they moved on to the topic of dinner and which restaurant to choose.


	11. Normal

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x13 "Redline". Just expounding a little on Jane's line of 'Why does everyone else get to have a normal life?' and what that means.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Normal_

Lisbon drove the car down to Marin County as they went in search of this Walter Mashburn character who had turned up in their investigation. As the winding roads took them closer to the ocean, Jane could feel his spirits lifting and he decided to revisit the topic the two of them had been discussing after leaving the victim's boyfriend's apartment.

"You know, I understand why _I_ can't have a normal life," Jane commented offhandedly as he glanced at Lisbon. It went without saying that his life was far from normal, and for the most part he didn't mind it, despite his earlier bitter comments. There wasn't a lot of room for dating or other so called normal things when he was otherwise occupied by a life-consuming revenge plan, besides many other issues of guilt, self loathing and grief. "But you, Lisbon, you could lead a fairly normal life. What's stopping you?"

"Uh, you," she raised her eyebrows at him in response. "My life seems to constantly revolve around me cleaning up your messes. Doesn't leave me much time for anything else."

"Oh haha," he smiled calmly back at her. "Seriously. What's the issue?" Truth be told, he knew she also had a series of intimacy and trust issues that would probably take days to properly get into, but he wanted to give her the opportunity to share them, if she felt so inclined. Or at least give her another chance to vent some more.

"Seriously?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, seriously," he told her earnestly. "I once had quite a normal, happy life. Didn't you ever want something like that? You know, a big house, a husband, a couple of kids, that sort of life."

Lisbon frowned a little at him, wondering what was the angle he was playing at. After a moment's consideration she went against her better judgement and decided to be honest with him. It was only fair, right? She was constantly asking for his honesty, so she might as well give him some of hers. "Well, a long time ago I thought about it," she said, nodding along her words. "When I was a kid and especially after my mom died… But that was literally another lifetime ago. Nowadays, my life is my job." She finished with a casual shrug.

"You could still date," Jane commented, thinking that sounded reasonable enough. "Rigsby and Van Pelt can obviously manage it. Even Cho has a girlfriend."

"I don't have time for dating either," she protested as she frowned at him once more. "It's hard to find someone when there are calls in the middle of the night to go out to crime scenes all over the place."

"That's an excuse," he smiled at her one of his annoyingly knowing smiles. "So many people have all sorts of demanding jobs, yet they still manage to maintain a social life. We've been working together for what, three years now? I've seen you meet all sorts of interesting fellows who would love to wine and dine you, but you never seem to give them a chance."

"What are you, my shrink now?" She countered in annoyance. If possible, her frown became even more pronounced. He only grinned back at her, and she felt compelled to defend herself. "I do go out on occasion, but working for the CBI and catching murderers is an all-time consuming job. It's hard to find someone who wouldn't mind being second place to my career. Besides anyone I do go out with starts to annoy me sooner or later. I prefer to keep things casual."

"Well, I annoy you on a daily basis and we seem to do fine," Jane noted in good humor, slightly raising his eyebrows at her.

"That's because I'm forced to work with you and I have to restrain myself from killing you, as that would put me in jail," Lisbon replied promptly with a sarcastic smile. "Guys I go out with? If they annoy me then I just stop seeing them."

"Ah the old 'use them and lose them', huh?" He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She glared at him askance, but after a moment her lips melted into a quiet smile. "To be honest, at the end of the day, I just want to go home and read a nice book or see a movie and… that's it." She said with a simple shrug. "Dating, getting to know someone, it takes a lot of energy and time that I just don't have."

"Time is relative. We can always make time for things that interest us," he argued once more.

"There you have it. No one interests me, then," she quipped back at him. That much was true. There hadn't been anyone interesting enough that she'd be willing to make sacrifices to include in her life.

"I'm just saying, you could be missing out on something great," he commented lightly.

"And I'm saying that I think what I have now is already great, thank you very much," she countered in a calm yet firm tone. "Who says I need to have a house with the white picket fence and a dog, a husband and 2.5 kids to be considered normal and happy? Why can't I be perfectly satisfied with the life I have, doing a job I love, surrounded by colleagues and friends I like, respect and admire?"

"Society, Lisbon," Jane quipped back at her. "Society is always telling us that. But you're right," he added in softer tones. "If you say you're happy, then that's all I could ever want for you."

He gave her one of his genuine kind smiles, and she returned him one of her own. The two of them were far from what most people would call normal, but in the grand scheme of things they did have a good life.

"So am I one of those people you like, respect and admire?" Jane asked her with a playful grin.

"Sometimes," she said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Other times you're the cause of most of my tension headaches."

"Touché," he laughed softly back at her.

Pretty soon they were upon the Catamaran Club, back to the business of murder.

* * *

A.N.: I'm sort of using Lisbon as my spokesperson here. I'm in that phase of my life where I'm in my early thirties and finding a husband or even dating is the farthest thing from my mind. I just want to do my job and live my life the way I want to, but some people insist on problematizing it, saying there's something wrong with me. If I think I'm happy, then what's the problem with that?


	12. Forgiveness

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x16 "Code Red". This came out shorter than what I've been writing recently, but I quite liked it.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Forgiveness_

As the elevator doors closed, Jane turned to Lisbon with a conciliatory smile. "Can I buy you dinner? To make it up to you."

She remained facing forward and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "No." She said airily.

"Oh come on. Please?" He insisted, his voice equal parts whiny insistence and playful joking. "You know I meant well."

"Sometimes I really don't know," she replied as she turned to him with a frown. "I'm starting to agree that you're something of a mean, irresponsible sadist."

"Hold on. How was I irresponsible?" He shook his head slightly and gestured with a hand in protest.

"Oh so you don't object to mean and sadist?" She raised her eyebrows at him with a sarcastic smile.

Jane ignored her and carried on with his point. "I just uncovered a murderer and thief, preventing him from selling a powerful bio-weapon in the black market that could cause the death of thousands of people."

"Yeah, and in the process you made dozens of people go through the wrenching agony of thinking they were just about to die a horrible death, not to mention their families and loved ones," Lisbon countered, and now she was the one shaking her head and holding a hand up. "What if someone had decided to take a shortcut by killing themselves?"

"Well, the act of suicide isn't something so easy to do," he said, his voice growing quieter and more serious then. The elevator doors opened and they walked out together as he kept talking. "Only the truly hopeless and desperate resort to it. Most people feel the pulse of life too strongly to try to end their own lives, even in such a situation. Besides, it was over so quickly that no one would've had any chance to do anything." He finished with a dismissive shrug.

"You always got an answer for everything, don't you?" She rolled her eyes a little at him. "What about the fact that you were walking around with a vial of the actual deadly virus in your pocket the whole time? You could've tripped or fallen somehow and that thing would've actually killed us."

"Harken said the flasks were unbreakable, it was quite a minimal risk," he nodded at her as they walked past the security station at the lobby. "One worth taking in order to save so many potential lives and getting justice for Alicia Seiberg."

"You just like messing with people's heads and causing drama." She retorted as they went out the door and down the couple of steps at the entrance.

"Well, I'm not sure about drama, but there's certainly a lesson in forgiveness here." Jane stopped and stood by the steps, rocking a little on the balls of his feet, his hands going into the pockets of his jacket.

"Ha," she exclaimed, turning around to face him with a frown of disbelief while a sarcastic smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "I'm not forgiving you anytime soon."

"I'm not talking about me," Jane said calmly, as he paused for a moment and his eyes searched for something in her face. "You're right. Let's take a rain check on dinner. You should call your brother Tommy."

Lisbon blinked her eyes a couple of times up at him and her mouth hung slightly open as she processed his words. After a moment, she recovered herself and started to shake her head at him, her hands going into the pockets of her pants. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but─"

"No buts, Lisbon," he interrupted her with a smile as he held up the index finger of his right hand. "This is the upside of getting your life back! You can see it all clearly now and do the things you need to do but had been avoiding so far. Whatever issue that happened with you and your brothers, your own dying wish was for you to work things out and forgive each other. Don't leave that for your actual deathbed, because then it will literally be too late."

She crossed her arms defensively over her chest as she frowned at him, worrying her lips into a cross between a pout and a stern line. She rocked her weight from one foot to another as she turned slightly away from him, glaring at him out of the corner of her eyes. "You're still not forgiven."

"It's okay. I'll work to win you back," Jane gave her one of his bright smiles, as he could see he'd gotten through to her. "Dinner tomorrow, then?"

As usual, she tried to keep the stern line on her lips, but failed miserably as a small smile emerged on her face despite her best efforts. "We'll see." Lisbon told him softly, and she turned to go towards her car. "Good night, Jane."

"Good night, Lisbon." He watched her walk away for a moment then he also turned and went to his car.


	13. Faith

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x19 "Blood Money". This was an interesting one, as I had no idea what I wanted to write until I actually started writing it; I just knew I had to do one for this episode. I tend to write dialogues first, so Jane and Lisbon took it in a completely different direction than I had thought it would go; you'll see.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Faith_

After leaving CBI HQ, Jane accompanied Lisbon out to a quick session at the shooting range, as he'd suggested. If she hadn't been so eager to blow off some steam she might have wondered what in the world he was doing there with her. After all, it was a well known fact that Patrick Jane hated guns and loud noises, yet he stood there at the back, holding his noise-cancelling headphones to his ears and visibly flinching at every shot as she fired round after round at her target until her clip was emptied and the paper sheet was covered with bullet holes right in the middle of the drawing of the man-shape.

After going through another couple of clips, she sighed audibly, lowered her gun and relaxed her shoulders, feeling much less frustrated than before. Primal and violent as it was, there was something about firing a gun that was oddly calming to her. Maybe it was something about focusing solely on the task, taking her aim, keeping her stance, feeling the gun's weight in her hands and the firing motion, the rebounding vibration on her arms as the gun cocked back and the shell casings fell to the floor.

As she removed her headphones and turned around, Jane noted Lisbon seemed to be in a better mood than before. "Ah I hope that means you no longer feel the urge to strangle me," he said jovially, also taking off his headphones.

"Yeah, feeling much better," she said, actually rewarding him with a smile. "So, want to grab dinner?"

"That's why I'm waiting here," he smiled back at her and rubbed his hands in anticipation.

They left the shooting range and went to a nearby hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant that was open late into the night. Jane claimed it had the best dumplings in the area and Lisbon was not disappointed. Not that she had any reason to doubt him when it came to food.

They'd been making light, inconsequential chitchat for most of dinner when they reached a lull in the conversation and Jane looked at her for a moment, his eyes analyzing something that seemed only visible to him.

"You know that even if you _are_ correct in your predictions and I _am_ the reason you get fired someday, I'll make sure to fix things for you. You know that, right?" He said, his tone calm and light, revisiting the conversation they'd had while they'd been trapped in the container the other day.

She lifted her eyebrows at his sudden change of topic in their conversation, yet took it in stride quite readily. "I know you'll _try_, but you can't guarantee you'll fix everything."

"I swear to you, Lisbon, I _am_ always going to save you. You can trust me on this," he told her in that quiet, intense manner he had whenever they talked about this sort of thing. "I would never leave you suffering as consequence of my actions."

"Uh, I beg to differ," she said with her usual defensive sarcasm that she used when Jane made such comments that would make her uncomfortable. "Our day to day interactions are proof of the opposite."

"Oh stop. Be serious now," he asked her with a quiet smile. "What about today, huh? I screwed up and then I fixed it. We solved the case, caught a murderous, corrupt ADA and I got you back from your suspension," he listed his actions by lifting his fingers one at a time in cadence with his words.

"We almost got killed by mobsters, then we were stranded in a cargo container in the middle of the Mexican desert and you got arrested, again," she countered at once, also ticking off the items on her fingers. "Not to mention the fine you need to pay to the court, which, by the way, I'm not contributing with one cent."

"Don't worry about the money, I'll handle it," he said with a light frown on his forehead and a dismissive hand gesture before raising an eyebrow at her. "You're always so glass half empty. You should have a little faith. Aren't you the Catholic one here?"

"Yeah, I have faith in God. He knows what He's doing and His plans always work out in the end," she agreed as she nodded along her words. "Your plans? I'm not so sure."

"My plans have always worked out perfectly so far," he said, thoroughly enjoying himself and the discussion they were working themselves into. "Besides I should point out that your logic is flawed because if you claim God exists and if he has a plan as you say, then he put me in your life for a reason."

"Probably to make me suffer and pay for my sins and guarantee my place in Heaven," Lisbon drawled out, her lips twisting in a sarcastic smile. "Also to have me keep people from strangling you to death for all the crap you pull on them," she added almost as an afterthought before taking a sip of her drink.

"Well, if that is true, I'm glad he put you in my life," he replied, his tone calm and gentle, something she hadn't been expecting just then, throwing her a little. Jane noticed that and added, with a twinkle in his bluish green eyes, "not that I believe in any of that, of course."

She lowered her drink slowly and looked at him for a moment before speaking again, curiosity lightening up in her green eyes. "You think it's just coincidence that we met and got to be in each other's lives?"

He puckered his lips in thought for a moment, his head bobbing slowly from side to side. "Not so much coincidence as a long series of chain reactions of cause and effect."

"So it's just random?" Lisbon raised her eyebrows at him. "You don't think things happen for a reason?"

"We see so much death and destruction every day," he replied, shaking his head a little. "People do horrible, senseless things to each other for the most various reasons. How can you do this job and still think like that?"

"How can you do this job and _not_ think like that?" She frowned at him. "Without going crazy, that is."

"Maybe I am a little crazy." Jane lightly conceded to her point, his eyebrows flickering up for a moment as he looked out into the distance, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

Lisbon raised her eyebrows at his words. "Well, you're certainly different, unique even," she commented, drawing his eyes and his attention back to her. "But I don't think you're crazy," she gave him a small smile before adding in a drier tone, "not clinically, anyway."

"That's always nice to hear. Thanks," he smiled sincerely back at her.

The two of them carried on sharing their dinner and making light conversation. Most days, catching the bad guys was enough. Most days, keeping each other company like this was also enough. Jane could say whatever he wanted about her faith, but if there was one thing Lisbon believed in was that they'd met for a reason: To help each other out, if nothing else.


	14. Dating

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 2x22 "Red Letter" and 2x23 "Red Sky in the Morning" and basically my take on the whole Jane dating Kristina Frye thing.

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Dating_

After taking a preliminary assessment of the crime scene at Marley Sparrow's home, Lisbon's team had quickly conferred with the forensics unit and shortly after vacated the place, leaving them to complete their work in peace. The interviews would be carried out in the morning, so for now there was nothing left to do. On their way back to HQ, Lisbon and Jane talked about his first impressions on the case and how this would be another Red John copycat. If that was so to masquerade and mislead the original crime, an actual accomplice of Red John or as a following to the famed serial killer, they still weren't sure. The aspect of the snuff filming that had ended up on the internet seemed to indicate the latter, but it was too early to rule out any possibilities.

Jane grew silent then, seemingly lost in his thoughts, hand poised against his chin as one finger ran repeatedly over his lower lip. As she drove, Lisbon watched him out of the corner of her eye, rather worried about him. Copycat or not, any case related to Red John had almost a physical and immediate effect on him, like he turned into a different person. Jane went from the almost light version of himself that she'd grown used to for the past couple of years, to an intense and fiercely determined man, a metaphorical fire burning in the depths of his eyes.

She wanted to lighten the mood and grasped at the first subject that came to her, one that she'd been actually wondering about on the back of her mind ever since first hearing about it.

"So. You went out on a date with Kristina Frye." She turned to him with a raised eyebrow, the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile.

Jane blinked up and slowly removed his hand from his face, turning to look at her. "Yes," he said simply, his mood rather unreadable.

"And?" Lisbon ventured, unfazed by his monosyllabic answer. "How did it go?"

He ran his hands over his face then and sighed before answering her. "Not so well."

"Yeah, I'll bet getting called in to work on a murder case would ruin any date," she raised a rather sardonic eyebrow at this observation.

"Oh no, that was actually a good thing," he found himself confessing right away, the words just coming out of his mouth before he had time to think about them and change his mind on sharing all of this with her. "I'd just been about to cut our date short when Van Pelt called me."

"You were? Why?" She frowned her eyebrows at him in curiosity.

"The whole thing was a mistake," he said, shaking his head despondently. "I don't know what I was thinking when I asked her out."

Truth be told, Jane _had_ an idea of how he'd gotten to that particular situation. It'd all started with Madeleine Hightower's comment on how "the blonde one" liked him and her (somewhat true) assessment that he liked her as well. When she'd first started talking, Jane had assumed she'd been about to comment on Lisbon and how the two of them got along, despite their differences, and formed a good partnership at work. When she'd instead pointed out Kristina's interest in him, it'd started a very strange chain reaction that had culminated with Jane rather clumsily asking the psychic out on a date.

Now he wondered if Hightower's pushing him on the subject of dating had been out of some genuine interest in the matter (he supposed that was his fault, as he'd been the first one to start making observations on her marriage, opening the door for that sort of interaction between them) or if it'd been her own attempt at a sneaky manipulation to steer any possible romantic intentions he may have away from Lisbon. He wasn't sure how the two of them would classify in the CBI's rules on interpersonal relationships, as he'd never had any reason to wonder about it before. He was a consultant, so he wasn't like a regular CBI employee or team member. Lisbon liked to claim that she was his boss, but that wasn't really true, as his contract had been first negotiated with Virgil Minelli, and now with Hightower. Perhaps his new boss had been afraid of something romantic happening between the special agent in charge and the prized (if at times rather high maintenance) consultant and its consequences to their workplace.

Which was all just rather absurd, Jane thought to himself, as there was nothing going on between the two of them. They just worked together; in fact, he might have even come to call her a good friend nowadays. But that was it.

"Well, I did think it was a little strange," Lisbon commented, bringing him out of his private reverie. "But you obviously like her."

Jane grimaced slightly at her words. "I do and I don't," he admitted, bobbing his head left and right for a moment. "Okay, so she's attractive and I will admit I enjoy bantering with her. As you know, there's nothing I quite like more than a stimulating, spirited discussion, if you'll pardon the pun."

She nodded at him with a smile, knowing that well enough, as it was their basic mode of communication. "So? What's the problem?"

"She's also too confident in her skills, thinking that by tricking people she's actually helping them, _and_ she refuses to admit it's all a gag," he said, growing frustrated as he thought about her behavior with their waiter during their date. "She reminds me too much of who I used to be." He added quietly, growing silent for a few moments before he sighed a little. "Besides other obvious issues." For a moment, Jane considered even confessing to her about his detour in the middle of the date to have a near panic attack in the bathroom, but then decided against it. He'd already told her too much. "It all just felt wrong." He finished, shaking his head to himself.

Lisbon had listened attentively as he'd explained his thoughts, letting him speak without interruptions until he seemed to be done. "I'm sorry," she told him gently in understanding. "Hey, you tried. That's a big step. You'll know when it's the right time."

"Eh," he gave her a quiet shrug in response, wondering if she could hear the words behind the gesture that said he wasn't sure if he would ever be truly ready for that. "The whole thing and then this case coming up just served to remind me that I need to focus on Red John."

Lisbon felt something twist inside of her at hearing those words, like they were a bad omen or something. They'd once talked about it, the prospect of dating and leading somewhat normal lives outside of all the focus they put in their jobs, and even though he hadn't said all the words she knew he'd never allow himself to think about this while Red John was still out there. How could he? He would first have to finish what he had started all those years ago.

But when she'd first heard he'd been on a date with Kristina Frye it'd given her some hope that maybe Jane had healed enough to let go of the past, to start moving forward beyond this grand plan of revenge that dictated just about every move and every thought he had. Now she was afraid that this bad experience and the reappearance of Red John on a case would undo any progress he might have made towards moving on, prompting him to shut off once more.

She had no idea just how right she'd turn out to be by the time they were done with this case.


	15. Distance

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist, its characters and universe belong to Bruno Heller and CBS. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this TV show and personal pleasure.

A.N.: This is for 3x01 "Red Sky at Night". Sorry for the long wait! Picture the way I work much like a golden retriever: Here I am, running after my little ball and thoroughly enjoying myself when suddenly another ball crosses my path and I completely veer off after the second ball (the balls being fandoms and my obsessions with them ─ Damn Avengers: Endgame for completely wrecking me!). I still plan on completing this project, I'll just need to pace myself and all these balls I have bouncing around the room (the room being my overactive brain).

* * *

**Loving Him was Red**

_Distance_

Lisbon could feel Jane distancing himself from her─from everyone, really. Slowly but surely.

It didn't happen all of a sudden. Oh no, it was so subtle that for someone else it might've felt almost natural, but she knew better.

After they had found him in that abandoned hotel with an injured and traumatized Wesley Blankfein and the bodies of Ruth and Dylan, she'd been so relieved that for a moment she couldn't remember how to breathe. Amazingly, he was unharmed─or that was what she'd thought. Sure, aside from a blow to the head he didn't have any other physical injuries. But after learning what had happened she wondered if being gutted would have felt half as horrible as what he'd been through. Never mind the fear of being kidnapped and mortally threatened with a knife for a couple of psychos and their snuff film project, he then had to sit, immobilized, while the man he'd been hunting for years actually saved his life then left as swiftly as he'd come.

Their priorities at that first moment had been to take Jane and Wesley to the hospital and treat their injuries. Jane's testimony pointed without a doubt at who was the perpetrator, so the bodies and the crime scene were processed thoroughly. There hadn't been much to go on, as usual. No fibers, no footprints, no DNA; Red John was too careful for that. Yet after things had quieted down somewhat, Van Pelt had come to find her, saying the camera had been left rolling and recording the entire time. She watched, transfixed, once more unable to breathe, as she heard the shots, heard Ruth brokenly begging for her life and the slashing sounds as she was killed, and then the masked, hooded figure approached Jane's side and whispered something that only he could hear.

Before taking him to the hospital, when she'd first him asked about it he'd said Red John didn't say anything, only that he wouldn't tolerate other people copying his work. Afterwards, she asked him again and he lied right to her face. Not that Jane lying was something uncommon, that was probably as natural to him as breathing. And she wasn't as well versed in reading people as he was. But she was a good detective and they'd been working together for a long time now. She thought she knew him better. The fact that he lied so shamelessly, so quietly and assuredly was a bit disturbing. There was no trace of dishonesty in his face. Yet she _knew_ he was lying. She wondered if he knew she knew.

And that's when he started pulling away. He'd been spending more time by himself, getting less involved in their cases. He actually took some time off during the summer. Not too long, only a couple of weeks. But he'd never done that since they'd started working together. He didn't say what he'd done, only that he'd needed time to think and recover from everything, which was reasonable and understandable enough.

They'd started spending less time together after work. His offers for getting dinner together came less frequently, as did their coffee/tea breaks. When he wasn't working he was either constantly writing in that little notebook of his or reading something. For some reason it looked like he'd gotten into poetry lately, which was not his normal choice of reading material. She thought that might be significant somehow, but she had no idea what it actually meant.

He still took his naps on his couch at the bullpen, but he'd been avoiding spending time in her office now and when he was actually working by himself he'd disappear. She'd learned he'd started using an old, empty room upstairs by the storage area with a little access to the roof. He liked he quiet, he said. Once, when she'd asked him about his constant naps on the couch at the bullpen instead of just going back to his motel, he'd said he liked it as the noise soothed him into sleep while the quiet usually kept him up at night. He needed the quiet to think yet he needed the noise to sleep. She suspected he was getting very little sleep lately, even less than normally.

So when he finally came out and said he didn't want to work on the Harvey Dublin case, she knew she needed to do something about it. Never mind the fact that Hightower and Director Bertram were right, he couldn't behave as if his contract as a consultant gave him such say as to which cases he did or didn't work. He was part of her team, like everyone else, and she was the one who decided on things like that. And she could feel this was just his next step on pulling away from them. Next thing he'd quit or take some other ridiculous measure and she wouldn't be able to reach him and help him anymore, and she couldn't let that happen.

She was glad when she managed to aptly manipulate him into working the case, and even if he did go out of his way to annoy her as part of his revenge, a part of her was glad that they were bantering back and forth once more. She'd missed this and hadn't realized just how much. But there was still something serious behind all of this, and she needed to get to the bottom of it before it got out of hand.

As they left Nadine Russo's house and talked about the case, she pushed on the matter, accusing him of pulling away from them, of pulling away from _her_, demanding to know what was going on in a tone that let him know she was not going to ignore this any further and they were going to talk about it, whether he wanted to or not.

She hadn't expected to get him talking so easily, maybe her words that she was genuinely worried about him reached him somehow, but hey, she wasn't about to complain that he was finally sharing what was bothering him when he turned to her and offered some sort of explanation for his behavior. "Anybody that gets close to me, bad things happen to them."

Of course, she should've seen that coming. She argued against his logic with one of her basic 'cop life' explanations (she had a feeling this would not be the last time they'd be discussing this). "A, that's not true. And B, even if it were, I'm a cop. It's our job to be in harm's way."

"You're not listening to me─"

"We're family," she insisted, interrupting whatever it was that he was about to say. "What you're doing is a kind of betrayal. A surrender, a defeat. You're letting Red John win."

She didn't know where that had come from, but it was true. Sometime in the past year she'd gone from "I don't want you inside my head" to "We're family" and she had no idea how that'd happened, but she'd realized that when she'd felt him pulling away from her and how much it hurt. In a way, it was sort of natural. She'd been living for her job for so long, and even though she'd patched things up with Tommy and her brothers over the last few months, this unit and these people who were with her every single day were as close to a family as she had here in California. So, in true Teresa Lisbon fashion, she was going to make sure she took care of them, whether they wanted or not, damn it!

Her provocation, even if it had been sort of a low blow, worked as she'd hoped, with Jane coming around and saying he wouldn't pull away anymore, trying to give her a conciliatory hug. She knew he didn't mean it right then and called it out to his face once more catching him by surprise and they almost naturally segued into one of their regular nonsensical arguments.

They still weren't quite back to normal, but as they walked down the street to her car with him calling her a liar and her sticking to the notion that she could read him so well now she was sure this had been the first step to get them there.


End file.
